'Love is a deep connection that people develop after knowing one another, experiencing life together, and overcoming challenges together.'ĭepanian adds that limerence often comes with the tendency to ignore flaws and red flags: 'With limerence, you may find yourself hyper-focusing on the subject of your affection (the limerent object) and their positive characteristics to the point of ignoring existing flaws and directing your intense, irrational emotions toward the idea of what they represent for you instead of who that person actually is in reality.' 'Love is more steady and grounding whereas limerence leaves us with that feeling of being in the clouds,' Boquin explains. The initial attraction develops over time and eventually reinforces into something substantial and lasting. When you really love someone, you want them to be happy despite what they can give you. But while limerence is short-lived and conditional, real love is fluid and unconditional. If anything, limerence can be considered the fool's gold of love, seemingly shiny but with no real substance.'Īccording to Boquin, limerence and love can start off similarly as a dopamine rush, which is why it can be confusing to spot. 'Many people don't really recognize the existence of limerence and simply consider someone experiencing it to be a ' hopeless romantic' or 'passionately in love.' But limerence and love are not the same thing. It can feel incredibly exciting to be swept away so completely by someone, but even in its best state of high drama, limerence is akin to empty calories compared to what nourishing love can truly offer.Ĭouples' therapist Silva Depanian, LMFT, says limerence is often confused with love. But it's important to recognize the distinction between seeing a person clearly so you can develop a relationship with them or if you're unintentionally reducing their complex personhood down to a manic pixie concept, shaped primarily by your hopes and dreams and what they can offer you. In fact, it doesn't sound negative at all to be that wowed by someone and adore them wholeheartedly. Often people refer to this feeling as love at first sight.'Īt first glance, limerence doesn't sound all that different from falling in love. It's an intense emotional arousal that leaves us craving for another person. During this time we often just want more of that person-more time, more affection, etc. 'It refers to the exciting feelings you get when you first meet someone. 'Limerence is a term that was coined by Dorothy Tennov in the '70s,' relationship therapist Eliza Boquin, LMFT, tells mbg. The experience can range from euphoria to despair. Limerence is a mental state of profound romantic infatuation, deep obsession, and fantastical longing.

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